The Cost of Keeping The Secret
by danceswithhorses
Summary: When a simple robbery goes bad, Bella and Carlisle are caught up in a dangerous hostage situation. As the minutes tick by, the gunman's temper grows volatile. A bullet won't physically harm Carlisle – but it would mean exposure for the Cullens. Bella won't let that happen, no matter what it takes to prevent it. Even if it means losing Edward all over again.
1. Chapter 1

**I know my last story was depressing…here's my apology.**

**Disclaimer: I own Twilight. Gasp! No, guys, I was kidding! There's no need to bring the Feds into it! And that's not a real Taser…is it?**

**Look, I'll say it for the camera.**

_**I don't own Twilight. **_

**Bella's POV:**

"I hate to leave," Edward said, rubbing my cheek with the back of his hand.

Ever since the incident in Italy, we'd all been clingy. But they had to hunt.

"I'll be fine, I have the best babysitter in the world," I teased him, when all I really wanted to do was jump into his arms and beg him not to leave me.

But his eyes were black with thirst, and painful smudges were beginning form under them. I loved him too much to make him suffer needlessly.

"We'll be fine, Edward," Carlisle spoke up from behind me, placing his hands on my shoulders. "Now go, you need to hunt."  
"Three days," he said, planting a kiss on my cheek gently. "You can stay out of trouble that long, right love?"

I tried to act offended, but the truth was the panic was rising already. "Sure," I said. "Goodbye, Edward."

"See you soon, love," he said, walking backwards towards his Volvo.

"C'mon, man, the grizzlies are calling my name!" Emmett hollered. Reluctantly Edward turned and joined his family, and just like that, they were gone.

I turned into my father's arms and hugged him, fighting back the feelings of abandonment. _They're not going to leave, they're not going to leave, _I chanted to myself over and over.

Carlisle hugged me tightly. "Come on, I'm going to get into something more comfortable, then we'll go do your errands in town – if you don't mind being seen with an old man," he winked.

The statement was so ridiculous I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, it's gross. I'll completely ruin my reputation."

He laughed and ruffled my hair, despite my attempts to duck his hand. "And here I thought only Emmett was immature enough to do that," I complained.

He only smirked at me before heading upstairs to change.

I ran a brush through my hair and grabbed my purse. Carlisle must have been using human speed to give me time to get ready, because I was finished by the time he came back down. "Getting slow in your old age?" I couldn't resist teasing him, as he appeared at the top of the stairs.

Just like that he was at the door, holding it open politely. "Not so you'd notice," he said cheerfully.

I rolled my eyes. "Show-off," I muttered.

As we walked to the Mercedes, I looked over and realized he was in jeans and a plain baby blue t-shirt. And my dignified doctor father was wearing…sneakers!

"What?" he asked, noticing my stare.

I blushed. "Sorry. I just don't think I've ever seen you so…casual before."

"Just because I'm old doesn't mean I'm stuffy," he winked, climbing in himself.

I snickered. "As you could ever be old, Carlisle."

He backed out of the garage without even looking, a fact that never ceased to amaze me.

As he started down the winding driveway, he asked, "Where do you need to go first?"

"The bank," I replied, "and then I need to make a quick grocery run. When Charlie gets back from fishing with Billy, I'm going to need more fish fry and oil. Might as well get it now."

"Get anything you want to eat while you're here, too," he suggested.

"I'm sure the pantry's full, thanks to Alice," I said.

"No doubt," he conceded. "Anywhere else?"

"The post office, and that's it."

"How about we rent a movie?" he suggested. "I haven't seen the new Nicholas Cage yet."  
"You like Nicholas Cage?" I asked, one eyebrow raised. He shrugged. "You hang around Jasper and Emmett long enough, and they start getting to you," he said.

Scary…at least he wasn't hooked on zombie movies.

"Sounds good," I told him, as we pulled up to the bank.

I gave him a look as he helped me out rather than staying in the car. "Edward's orders," he said, holding his hands up. "I'm not to let you out of my sight. That's a direct quote."

I shrugged, starting up the walk. He slipped his arm around my shoulders as we walked, and I had to admit it felt good to be cared for.

It was unusually quiet in the bank. Usually it was hopping on a Saturday, as people deposited their paychecks. But there weren't many people inside – just the two tellers and one lone man standing near the window, his back to us.

The door swung shut behind us, and I walked up to the teller window. "Hi, Mary Anne, I have my check."

She gave me a tight smile but didn't say anything. That was odd…I noticed her hands shook visibly as she reached for the check I handed her.

Carlisle noticed too. His grip tightened around my shoulders. Mary Anne's eyes met mine, and the realization that something was terribly wrong hit me in the stomach like a rock.

Her eyes shifted towards the man near the window.

In a barely perceptible movement, Carlisle eased me behind him, using his own body as a shield as the man turned around.

He was middle-aged, with a shadow of a gray mustache covering his upper lip. His gray-brown hair was receding, and his chillingly blue eyes were narrow and close-set.

All these insignificant details passed through my mind quickly just before the most important one lodged into my brain.

He was holding a gun.


	2. Chapter 2

**Bella's POV:  
**

"I told you to lock the stupid door!" The man stalked over to us, waving the gun angrily. Mary Anne shrank back in fear.

Carlisle tensed as the gunman continued his tirade. "But no, you had to play hero and leave it open. But you know what you did, lady? You just killed two more people!"

Carlisle stiffened even more, as I pressed myself against his back, afraid.

"Robert, stop!" the other teller begged, then clamped a hand over her mouth as he turned on her. "How do you know my name?"  
Lilly Duvall turned sheet white.

"How?" he screamed, getting in her face. Fear shivered up my spine – this guy was obviously nuts. Which only lessened our chances of getting out of here alive.

"We…we um, dated once or twice a few years ago," she quavered, backing up as far as she could.

He narrowed his eyes, his gaze scraping her face. "Lilly," he said, his tone dangerously smooth. "I do remember you."

She closed her eyes, shaking, as he waved the gun in her face. "But if you're smart, you won't remember me."

I could tell Carlisle was aching to intervene, but he didn't move. One wrong move and the gunman could lose what little control he had left.

His attention jumped back to us. "You get your girlfriend and go sit in those chairs against the wall."

Carlisle reached behind him and took my hand, keeping his body between me and the gunman as we inched towards the chairs. Robert had pulled the blinds, erasing any hope I had that someone from outside would see our predicament.

I sank into the hard plastic seat, keeping a death grip on Carlisle's hand. I didn't think this was any ordinary robbery – nothing made sense.

"Tell that spineless coward to get back out here," he snarled.

Lilly had to clear her throat twice before rasping out, "Mr. K-Kendall."

Nothing happened.

"Mr. Kendall, _please_," she said again, a little louder this time.

The door to the manager's office cracked open, slowly, reluctantly.

"Now!" the gunman yelled, and it swung open the rest of the way in a hurry. A tubby, short little man reluctantly poked his balding head out.

"Get out here!"

He scurried towards us, sweat rolling down his face. His watery gray eyes were filled with fear, and something else I couldn't quite define.

"Sit," the gunman ordered, his tone laden with disgust.

The bank manager plopped down a few seats away from us and mopped his face dry.

Robert stomped over to the door and locked it with enough savage force to make me jump.

He pulled out a cigarette and lit it, his movements jerky – with nervousness or rage, I couldn't tell.

"What do you want?" I dared ask.

His bloodshot, cobalt blue eyes locked onto mine. I couldn't look away; they froze me in place.

"Revenge."


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer – You guys know I'm not Stephenie Meyer. If I were, I'd be a millionaire. And I wouldn't be writing fanfic, now would I?**

**Bella's POV:**

The gunman seemed preoccupied with his cigarette for the moment, pacing back in forth in front of the tellers' desk. Carlisle took the time to whisper, "Just stay still and don't draw attention to yourself. If you see a chance to get out of here, take it."

I shot him a look. If I tried to run, he'd go berserk and start shooting. There were two tellers, one bank manager, and a vampire in the room besides me. There was a good chance that only my bullet-proof dad would escape alive.

"Shut up over there," Robert snarled, glaring at us. "No whispering!"

He pulled out another cigarette and lit it, hands trembling.

The bank manager, Mr. Kendall, mopped his head again.

The minutes crawled by, the only sound in the room the slow ticking of the clock. How long before someone noticed something was wrong? An hour? Two?

There was plenty of time to think, and think I did. If things came to a head, what would happen? One thing I knew for sure – Carlisle must not get shot. A bullet would do him no damage – but it would expose his secret for certain. What would happen to the Cullens then, I could only guess. But all the different scenarios paraded through my mind, and none of them were good. At the best they would have to leave immediately, causing even more suspicion. At the very worst the Volturi would get involved, and no one had to tell me how _that _would end.

I stole a glance at Carlisle, but his face was unreadable as he watched the gunman closely, trying to anticipate what he would do next.

Half an hour crawled by; Robert smoked cigarette after cigarette. The smell of the smoke in the room was overpowering, and I leaned closer to Carlisle, hoping his scent would mask it. The bank manager was looking decidedly green by the time Robert began to talk. "You sit here in your little palace, high up a throne other people's hard-earned money bought you. Making a living ruining their lives. What do you have to say to that?" he growled, stomping over to Mr. Kendall's seat. The rotund little man swallowed visibly.

"Well?"

"It's just my job?" he offered lamely. I winced.

"_Just my job," _Robert mocked him. "You're a sad little man, you know that?"

To the relief of everyone in the room, he didn't wait for a reply before launching into another tirade, his latest cigarette nothing but a glowing butt trapped in his clenched fingers. "You took everything from me in the name of your _job. _My house, my work, my kid, and finally my wife. It's all gone now. You had to have more money to pad your fat little pockets, and men like me paid the price."  
"You took out a loan knowing you had to pay it back," Kendall ventured. "It isn't the bank's fault – you were late for three payments. We had no choice –"

"No choice!" Robert thundered. "_You _had no choice! My wife was dying. I had to watch her waste away, slowly, until there was nothing left of the woman I married. I worked long hours and weekends – time I should've spent with her – trying to scrape up money for the treatments. Only to have you decide you didn't have enough – you had to take what was mine, too!"

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Mary Anne reach under the desk and press a button. Carlisle noticed too, but he didn't look in her direction. I hoped she knew what she was doing. Would he go insane when the cops showed up? Or realize he couldn't win and give himself up?

She'd either managed to rescue us…or signed our death warrant.

* * *

Sirens wailed to a stop outside the building. I watched Robert anxiously, trying to gauge his reaction.

"Who called the cops?" he screamed, striding to the door to peer between the blinds.

Mary Anne wisely kept her mouth shut.

"Get over here!" he ordered, waving the gun at me. Carlisle protested, moving to get up, but Robert snatched me up by the arm and held the gun to my head in silent threat. Helplessly, he sank back into the chair.

His fingers bruised my arm as my heart threatened to jump out of my chest. I felt the cold steel of the gun through my hair, his unsteady hands doing nothing to alleviate my fear.

"Don't hurt her," Carlisle warned. His hands gripped the sides of his chair, the cheap plastic threatening to give way underneath his iron hold.

"Or what?" Robert sneered, tightening his hold on my arm. I flinched, trying to cover it up. Funny, after facing a sadistic vampire intent on torturing me to death, and coming head to head with the Volturi, it didn't seem like this should scare me.

But it did.

He dragged me to the door. "Unlock it."

Fingers trembling, I tried three times before managing to flip the latch. Impatiently he shoved it open, forcing me outside in front of him.

Forks boasted exactly four cops – and my dad was gone. The remaining three were gathered in front of their cars, deciding on a plan of action. Everything ceased when they saw us.

Deputy Tony Craft holstered his weapon, holding his hands out to show he wasn't a threat. I read the fear in his eyes as his steely blue gaze swept over the situation.

"Listen up, Deputy Dog, and listen good. You try anything, and I mean _anything, _and this girl gets the first bullet. Her blood will be on your hands, and so will everyone else's inside that bank. Got me?"

I could only imagine how we looked to the horrorstruck deputies – him with bloodshot eyes, sparse wild hair, and wild-eyed look. Me no doubt as pale as usual, with more than my normal share of bad luck.

Tony's jaw tightened. "Are you okay, Bella?" he called.

"Yeah," I answered back, with a lot more confidence than I felt.

His gaze flicked back up to Robert's. "Don't you hurt her," he warned.

A harsh laugh exploded close to my ear. "As long as none of you try and play hero, _Deputy Dog._"

I saw Officer Clark Noble pull out his cell phone – he must have been calling my dad. I couldn't help but hope all this would be resolved long before he got here. I didn't want him to get hurt.

Robert lowered the gun as he prepared to drag me back outside. For a split second I looked longingly at the parked cruisers, gauging my chances. After an agonizing heartbeat of indecision, I let the opportunity pass.

I wouldn't escape at the expense of the others' lives.


	4. Chapter 4

**Don't hate me for the short chapter! More coming soon, I promise!**

**Bella's POV:**

_Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock._

The sound of time passing was about to drive me up the wall. The old clock on the far wall dutifully marked each second, until I wanted to smash it.

After Robert had put on his show for the cops, he'd forced me back into my seat next to Carlisle, who relaxed a little. Not much.

"Are you all right?" he hissed, his gentle hands roving up my arms, where I could feel bruises already forming. "Did he hurt you?"

"Shut up!" Robert screamed, glaring at us. "Sit down and be quiet, or I _will _hurt her."

A snarl ripped from Carlisle's throat. Both tellers' head jerked in our direction, and I nearly choked on my own air. "Calm down," I begged him.

My voice was inaudible to a human but I knew he heard me just fine. "Please, Carlisle, you can't."

His ocher eyes snapped to mine, darkening slightly. He took a breath he didn't need and visibly forced himself to calm down.

And then we sat and waited, the air so tense you could see it. And waited.

And waited some more.

Robert went through another pack of cigarettes. Carlisle kept his hand on mine. The bank teller sweated. And I worried.

_Why hasn't Alice seen us? _I wondered silently. _I know she must not have, because they would be camped outside with the cops – if they didn't do anything stupid. And I'm pretty sure Edward would._

I winced at the scenarios that ran through my mind. If Edward thought I was in danger, it would take more than the threat of the Volturi to keep him from exposing himself. So…what had happened?

Mary Anne caught my eye. After making sure Robert wasn't watching, she very deliberately shifted her gaze down, towards her feet and to the right. What was she trying to tell me?

Just then, something moved at the edge of the tellers' desk. Shocked, I watched a mop of thick black hair move into my line of vision…followed by a very familiar face. Seth Clearwater winked at me boldly, not an ounce of fear showing on his face. Nervously, I glanced at the gunman, but he hadn't noticed. Seth grinned at me – did he think this was a game? I mean, jeez – before ducking back into his hiding place.

Well, that explained why Alice hadn't seen us.

**You promised not to hate me! Okay, now I need some input. Should Seth get caught? Or do you think he should help take the gunman down? I need to pick your brains, people!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Two chapters in one day! Woohoo!**

**After much debate, I decided to take this course of action. I hope I didn't disappoint, and thanks for all the input!**

* * *

Five minutes later things began to happen.

Robert ordered the two tellers to get over and sit next to us – and afraid of giving away Seth's hiding place, they didn't put up any kind of a fight. Mary Anne sank trembling into the seat next to me, and I grabbed her hand. She sent me a grateful look, as we sat waiting to see what would happen next.

My heart jumped into my throat as Robert moved in front of him, putting his back directly to Seth. The young werewolf's face was serious now as he once again cautiously peeked out. I tried to watch him without looking as if I were.

As Robert launched into another tirade, Seth held up five fingers. I realized what he was going to do.

Four fingers.

I glanced at Carlisle – he was watching, too, a lot less conspicuously than I was. He didn't release my hand, but he was on the edge of his seat, ready for action.

Three fingers.

Robert pointed the gun at Mr. Kendall, who flinched back. Robert laughed, enjoying the little man's terror.

Two fingers.

I nodded – it was now or never.

One finger…

"No, Seth!" Carlisle roared, surging out of his seat, pulling me with him. The gunman had settled his finger over the trigger. If Seth hit him now, someone would die…

But it was too late, Seth came flying out and tackled him low in the back of the legs, pitching him forward.

I knew what was going to happen.

Time stopped. I was suspended in a vacuum, watching this happen to someone else. The horrifying future played out a million times in my mind, each with the same ending. _Carlisle must not get shot._

I threw myself between him and the gunman just as the gun went off.

* * *

A blazing hot ball of fire knocked me backwards, slamming me into Carlisle. His body was hard, and I bounced off before he could catch me.

He didn't let me hit the floor.

The next thing I knew he was cradling me in his stone lap, my body lying at a twisted angle on the cold tile.

It was hard to breathe. Black spots danced in my vision.

I brought my hands up to my stomach; I could feel the blood pulsing out of the wound, hot and steaming. Too much blood. When I lifted my hand to my eyes, it was dripping with it. Red rivers coated my fingers and slid down my forearm.

I let it fall, too weak to hold it up and too much in shock to care.

"Bella," Carlisle's voice was measured and calm. "You're okay, you're safe now. Just hold on until the ambulance gets here. You hold on, do you understand me?"

I forced myself to focus on his intense ocher eyes. I was vaguely aware of Seth holding the gunman in the corner with his own gun; Mary Anne and Lilly hovering anxiously nearby; Mr. Kendall murmuring to himself agitatedly.

But soon even that faded away, until I was focusing only on him. "Stay awake," he ordered me, applying pressure to my stomach. It hurt, but in a vague way. I was barely aware of it any more.

The darkness yawned at the edge of my vision, enticing me, drawing me under.

"Breathe, Bella!" he commanded tensely, "Breathe!"

His face was the last thing I saw.


	6. Chapter 6

Here we go folks! I promise I will update _Broken _by Sunday at the latest. In the meanwhile, here's the next chapter.

Next chapter will include some Jacob and we'll find out why Seth was at the bank. Until then…

* * *

**Bella's POV:**

A irritatingly familiar beeping noise invaded my head and pounded away at my skull.

Irritated, I tried to bat it away, but my hand weighed a hundred pounds.

I gradually became aware of other things – like my stomach hurt like crazy, my tongue felt like a wad of cotton batting, and I was in the hospital. Again.

"She's waking up," an impossibly smooth, velvet voice said, and everyone shut up instantly.

I pried one eyelid open. The light was killer, and I instantly dropped it.

"Love?"

That voice. The voice of my own personal angel. And it was intensely worried.

"M'okay," I muttered automatically. Someone laughed; but it was full of strain.

Slowly, I forced my eyes open again. Edward's face came into view, hovering over me anxiously. On my other side was Charlie, looking equally anxious.

Past them I could see Renee, Phil, and the entire Cullen family all camped out in the room.

I groaned.

Carlisle's face appeared above me. "Okay, everyone out. Give us a little bit and you can come back inside. Come, she needs a moment."

Reluctantly Charlie allowed himself to be herded out, with a "Love you, Bells," flung over his shoulder. Edward was harder. "It's okay, Edward," I mumbled, and finally he followed Charlie.

When we were alone, Carlisle returned to the bed, smiling a little as he adjusted it so I lying at a slight incline. "Better?" he asked.

"Yes," I rasped. "Some water, please?"

He held the glass so I could drink, then sat down next to the bed. "What do you remember, Bella?"

Everything. I remembered everything, all the way up to the last, terrifying moment of consciousness, when I thought it was over.

I nodded.

"I'm so sorry," he murmured, smoothing back some of my hair. "You nearly died because of me, because of what I am. You don't even know how sorry I am."

It took a minute for the meaning of his words to sink into my foggy mind, but when they did it freaked me out. "What? No. No. It _is _not your fault, Carlisle. You actually probably saved my life. I would have bled to death if you hadn't known what to do."

"And if you hadn't been trying to protect our secret, you would never have been bleeding in the first place."

"Really?" I forced all the sarcasm I could muster up into my voice. "Maybe he would've just started shooting. Maybe, if you hadn't been there, _all _of us would have ended up bleeding to death on that floor. You did what you had to do. So did I. And I don't regret it."

He smiled sadly. "I know you don't, Bella. You are the bravest, most self-sacrificing person I've ever had the privilege to meet."

I sensed a _but _coming; but he didn't say anything else, just moved to the door. "Only Chief Swan and Mrs. Dwyer for the moment, please," he requested. The next thing I knew Mom and Charlie were all over me. "Bella, baby, we were so worried," Renee exclaimed, kissing my forehead, hands hovering anxiously above me.

I tried to smile and reassure them, but my stomach was beginning to ache terribly. And I was really, really, tired.

Vaguely, I was aware of Carlisle asking them to allow to me to rest, and then sneaking Edward inside the room.

His icy lips brushed across my forehead. "Sleep, love," he whispered.

I did.

* * *

When I woke up next it was dark; the clock read 3 a.m. Immediately I looked around for Edward. I could see him in the light leaking through from the hallway, sitting next to my bed.

"Edward," I murmured.

"I'm here," he whispered, stroking the back of my cheek with his hand. Bending over me, he laid an icy kiss on my lips. "I love you, Bella."

The pain was manageable now; I fumbled for the bed control. Edward realized what I wanted and helped me incline the bed slightly, so I was sitting a little.

His topaz eyes stared into mine intently. "Are you in pain? Should I get Carlisle?"

His fingers strayed towards the call button. "No," I stopped him. "I'm good right now. I want to talk to you."

Apprehension spilled into his eyes, but he nodded. "I'm listening."

"Carlisle told you what happened."

"He told all of us," Edward murmured.

"Do you blame him?" I asked bluntly. Edward had sort of a history of blaming anyone handy when bad things happened to me.

He hesitated. "No." The pain in his eyes showed, as he wrapped his hand around mine. "I blame myself."

"Would you guys _stop that?" _I exploded, my voice a lot weaker than I was going for. "You wallow in guilt all the time because of things you can't control. I'm sick of it."

He didn't say anything, just eyed me sadly with the same expression Carlisle had. Emotion numbness…detached in a sad sort of way…

Just like…just like before.

The heart monitors began to jump around erratically.

"Bella, Bella, what's wrong?" Edward's voice was no longer reserved, it was panicked.

My own panic was making it hard to breathe. He couldn't leave again – he'd promised.

_He promised before, too, _a little voice in the back of my head taunted me, but I shut it out.

My stomach ached fiercely, but it was nothing compared to the pain ripping my chest open.

The door burst open and Carlisle strode in. "What's going on in here, Edward?"

"I don't know, I didn't say anything, she just started freaking out!" Edward explained anxiously.

Carlisle took Edward's place and put his hands on my shoulders. "Deep breaths, Bella. Look at me. Calm yourself down or I'll have to give you a sedative."

I didn't want that – I had to find out what Edward was thinking. I would die if they left again. Forcibly, I slowed my breathing.

"What's wrong?" he asked gently. "Edward, what did you say?"

"Nothing," he replied, sounding equally puzzled.

"You're thinking about right and wrong again," I murmured, knowing he would understand.

He did.

"God, no, Bella. I promised you I'd never leave again – I meant it."

The numb, detached emotion I feared so much was gone from his face…but Edward was a good actor. He'd always been. Hadn't he proved that already?  
Carlisle echoed Edward's words. "We won't leave you, Bella. I swear to you, _I won't leave you. _No matter what happens, we'll be here."

I tried to make myself believe them…but the nightmares began that very night. A thousand times worse than before.

And every dream ended the same horrifying way.


	7. Chapter 7

**Well, I promised you'd find out why Seth was at the bank…but this chapter turned out longer than I thought. So you'll have to wait until next time…sorry. But I just might get another chapter up tonight, if you be good and review!**

**Oh yeah – you might recognize a few of these lines that I shamelessly stole from the books/movie. Not many. But a few. And I don't own them.**

**Jacob's POV:  
**

I could smell the bloodsuckers from here.

I hesitated just inside the door, but the thought of Bella lying a hospital bed, pale and possibly dying, spurred me on. Seth didn't seem to mind that in a few minutes we were going to be stuck in a room with seven vamps.

"Isabella Swan," I told the receptionist.

"Oh yes. Second floor, room 209. Terrible tragedy, that shooting," she called after me, but she was speaking to my back.

"Thanks," Seth said, then turned to catch up with me as I headed towards the elevator. I punched the button for 2 a little harder than strictly necessary.

"Chill, man," Seth said, sticking his hands in his pockets.

I grunted a response, and he fell silent. I was not in the mood.

The stench grew stronger as we got off the elevator and moved down the hall. It was easy to find Bella's room, even if we hadn't had the room number. I nearly gagged as we walked up to the door.

"Want me to go in first?" Seth asked, infuriatingly cheerful.

"No," I growled.

He shrugged.

As I raised my hand to knock, the door opened and Mrs. Cullen walked out. "Hello, Jacob. Seth," she greeted us. Of all the vamps, the leader was the one least likely to make me puke. So I guess the least I could do was be civil to his mate. "Mrs. Cullen," I offered reluctantly. Seth grinned at her. "Hey."

"Are you here to see Bella?" she asked, leading us a little way down the hall.

I nodded, as Seth's grin disappeared for the first time that day. "Is she doing okay?" he asked.

Mrs. Cullen hesitated. "She's as well as can be expected," she finally said. "And she's been asking for both of you."

I used my foot to push off the wall I'd been leaning against. "Let's go then," I said impatiently.

"Wait," she said, her liquid golden eyes freezing me into place. "There are a few things you need to know first."

She smiled at an orderly passing by, waiting until he was out of earshot to continue. "She's been having a hard time…coping…with what happened. Carlisle says it's not unusual after a traumatic event. You'll need to be gentle with her. Don't upset her."

I narrowed my eyes – she was holding something back. "And?"

She sighed. "And…Bella asked me not to tell you this, but the rest of my family and I feel you should know. She was injured taking that bullet for Carlisle."

I swore. Loudly. If Seth hadn't gripped my forearm to calm me down, I probably would've sent my fist straight through a wall.

"I always knew you bloodsuckers would kill her," I hissed, my voice too low for human ears to pick up. "What was she _thinking?"_

But no one had to tell me what Bella had been thinking. She'd been protecting her precious leeches, keeping their secret safe. She'd nearly died. Keeping a secret for a bunch of murderers.

Esme didn't physically react to my outburst, but I saw her shoulders tense and her eyes narrow as she watched my every move.

In the next heartbeat Emmett and Edward strolled casually down the hall and took up places on either side of Mrs. Cullen. They didn't say anything, but the look in their unnatural eyes spoke volumes.

For a moment we squared off, but Seth tugged at my shirt. "This isn't helping, Jake."

I took a breath. Then another. Through my mouth – the smell was making me wrinkle my nose.

"You don't smell so good yourself, _dog,_" Edward muttered, and I was instantly angry again. "Stay the hell out of my head," I snarled.

He shrugged.

"Okay," Esme said, her tone letting us know she'd had enough. She turned to Seth. "She wants to see you first. She's pretty anxious to know you're okay."

His grin popped out again.

He was so _innocent. _Would the boy ever learn? He didn't seem to understand they were our natural enemies.

"He has one of the purest, kindest minds I've ever heard," Edward murmured, as Mrs. Cullen and Seth moved towards Bella's room. "I don't think he _does _understand that we're meant to be enemies."

For a brief moment I envied that innocence. But Seth hadn't watched a girl he loved slowly fade away into nothing, because one of those leeches broke her heart. He hadn't pulled her from the water, nearly lifeless, after what I was still certain was a suicide attempt, despite Bella's assertions to the contrary. He hadn't lost that girl, after he patched her back up and made her smile again, to the same leech. He hadn't watched her run back to him with open arms, leaving him behind. Bitter. Angry. Helpless. Alone.

I saw Edward's face twist in pain as my memories invaded his head. Good. He deserved it.

"I know I do," he said. "And I still owe you a debt, Jacob Black, for keeping her alive. I don't like it any more than you do, but it's a debt all the same."

I snorted. "You'll end up killing her someday. Either by draining her lifeless, or turning her into cold dead stone."  
He flinched. "Don't you think I know that?" he asked, his voice intense. "Don't you think I agonize over it constantly? But I've already tried living without her. And that didn't work out so well for either of us."

I glared at him. "Six more months. If you'd given me six months, I would've made her happy."

I allowed my dead fantasies to fill my head. Mrs. Bella Black. Little Bellas and Jacobs, playing on the floor in our house, next to their doting grandpa's wheelchair, while their other grandpa sat on the couch watching a football game. Bella, a lovely flush staining her cheeks, belly round with a child – _my _child – cooking dinner while I kissed her cheek.

He held my gaze as I poured it all out.

"Would she have been happy?" he asked quietly. "Or would you always have been second best? Something to fill the gaping hole I left in her?"

It was something neither of us would ever know; still the words made me angry.

I might have said something I would regret later – okay, let's be honest, I wouldn't have regretted it – but the door opened and Seth slipped out.

I studied his face. He looked a little shell-shocked, and the smile was long gone. I frowned.

He looked at me and gave a minute shake of his head. Anger filled me again – _they _were responsible for this.

"I hope you're happy," I hissed at Edward, my last parting shot.

He didn't reply as I pushed the door to Bella's room open.


	8. Chapter 8

**I got an extremely nasty review for my last chapter. It was mean, ugly, and completely uncalled for. I do not appreciate it. I don't mind getting constructive criticism, but outright meanness I do mind. **

**Keep your ugly comments to yourself. You know who you are.**

**The rest of you, thank you for your support. I appreciate it.**

**Bella's POV:**

I looked like crap.

Alice had done her best, but even she couldn't disguise the bags under my eyes or the lifeless look to my hair. Despite their continued promises, and the fact that someone was with me all the time, I couldn't get rid of the nagging fear.

Or the nightmares.

The sedatives made it worse. I didn't tell Carlisle or anyone else that; they were feeling guilty enough. Jasper could hardly bear to be in the same room with them. They thought they were helping me – but it only made it impossible to wake up. I had to endure them, with no hope of escaping them.

And I got roughly the same amount of rest anyway.

Seth and Jacob were coming to see me today.

Esme heard them coming down the hall way before I did. She rose from her chair gracefully, laying aside the book she'd been reading to me.

She smiled back at me. I did my best to return it.

"I'll be right back," she promised.

I tried not to panic, faced with the silence of an empty room. _Breath in. Out. She's just outside. Breath in. Breath out._

An eternity passed before Seth cautiously opened the door and peeked in.

"Hi, Bella!" he said, his infectious smile making me smile, too.

"Hey, Seth," I said, clearing my throat.

"So, uh, how are you doing?" he asked, coming all the way in. "Esme had to go make a phone call. So you're stuck with me."

In spite of my fear I smiled again – Seth had that effect on people.

"So, how are you?" he asked again, pulling a chair up next to the bed and plopping down in it.

"I'm okay," I answered automatically, then flinched. It was a painfully obvious lie, and both of us knew it.

"So how does it feel to be a hero?" I asked quickly, to move his attention off of me.

He flushed a little. "I didn't do anything," he said. "Except maybe get you shot."  
"Oh, no you don't," I said heatedly. "You can't blame yourself, too. Geez, there's enough self-blame going around her to suffocate anyone."

"Fine then, I'm a hero," he said cheerfully.

I gaped at him, caught off guard by his easy assent.

"Esme said not to upset you," he defended himself. "So cool, I'm a hero. Next topic?"  
I had to laugh. "You've got to be the easiest person in the world to get along with," I told him.

"That's what they tell me," he said, lifting one shoulder.

"So what were you doing in the bank?" I asked the question that had been nagging at me ever since my mind had started functioning somewhat correctly again.

"Well, turns out my mom knows Lily Duvall, and she wanted me to stop in and say hi…"

I sighed. "Seth, you're a horrible liar. Anyone ever tell you that?"

He looked sheepish. "Actually, yeah."  
I stared at him until he sighed and dropped his gaze. "Fine. But you have to promise not to get upset. Or else Jake will kill me. And possibly Edward."

"Okay…"

He heaved another sigh. "And you have to promise not to get mad at me."

"Seth, it would have to be pretty bad for me to get mad at you."

He muttered something I couldn't hear. "Jake told me to keep an eye on you while you were in town with Carlisle."

"Why?" I asked, puzzled.

Seth looked at me reluctantly. "He said it was an _opportunity."_

My drugged brain took a moment to process this.

"You mean he thought…"

"Carlisle was giving you an alibi for the weekend."

I groaned. "Does Jacob never give up? Seriously? He thought I would do that…just disappear over the weekend? Leave Charlie and everyone else with no warning?"  
Seth looked anxious. "Look, Bella, forget I said anything. Jacob didn't mean any harm. He likes you. I do too."

I thought about something else just then. Seth had nearly gotten himself killed…because of me. My fault. He was in town _because of me. _

"Bella, are you all right?"

He leaned over, peering closely at me. "I think I should get someone."

"No," I gasped. "Please, give me some water."  
He willingly held the glass while I drank. "You don't look so good," he noted.

"Thanks a lot," I muttered. "Seth, I'm glad you didn't get hurt."

"Hey, no prob. Heroes are invincible, remember?"

I leaned back against the pillows, exhausted. "Hey, you should probably go make sure Edward and Jacob aren't tearing each other apart out there," I whispered.

He stood reluctantly. "I'll come visit again soon, okay?" he asked uncertainly.

"That would be great, Seth. Thanks."

Alone in the room once more, I fought to control my panic. I had hoped to never feel this way again. After Edward…left, the pain had threatened to tear me apart from the inside out.

This time it was a different pain. Guilt burned at the heart of it.

Guilt that I was responsible…and fear that they would realize it was a mistake to ever come back for me in the first place.


	9. Chapter 9

**Hi guys! I don't know if I like this chapter or not…oh well. Just let me know what you think! And I should tell you, I'll probably only be updating on weekends now. I'm working crazy hours…okay, you probably don't want to hear about my life. Here's the story.**

**Oh yeah - the sequel to Between Heartbeats will be up as soon as I've completed one of my other stories in progress. **

* * *

Jacob came in, rescuing me from my destructive thoughts. He looked properly abashed, and I realized Seth must have told him I figured it out. I reminded myself I was mad at him.

"Hi, Bella," he said sheepishly. "How are you?"

That was a stupid question. I knew it and he knew it, too, but he was too stubborn to admit it.

I looked at him.

"Okay," he caved. "I'm not sorry I did it, if that's what you want."

"You could have killed him." I tried to muster up an angry tone, but my voice just sounded lifeless. My energy was going fast.

"Oh come on, Bella, I had no idea this was going to happen – and I had no idea you were going to do something stupid like this."

"Don't be mean, Jake, I had no choice."

He snorted.

"I'm tired," I said quietly. "Please send Esme back in on your way out."

He opened his mouth to argue then looked closely at me. "Sure Bells. Feel better, okay?" he hesitated, and I knew it was as close as he would get to an apology.

"'Kay," I murmured.

By the time Esme glided back in, I was almost asleep.

* * *

_The gunman had no face._

_It was terrifying, as I gazed into hazy nothing where his eyes should have been. My mouth worked, but I couldn't scream. I stumbled backwards, only to lose my balance and fall. He kept coming. Slowly, one step at a time, but he was coming._

_I scooted backwards frantically, shaking my head, still not making a sound. Laughter echoed harshly around the room. How could he laugh, without a mouth? But he did and it made it all the more terrifying. _

_His finger tightened over the trigger. I knew it was over. I wanted to close my eyes but I couldn't. _

_As the shot rang out someone threw himself between us. Carlisle's golden eyes met mine, as the awful sound of the bullet thudding into his body ricocheted endlessly around the room. _

_He fell._

"_No!" I found my voice at last, forgetting the faceless gunman as I hovered over my father, my protector. _

_His lifeless eyes stared blankly at the ceiling, accusing me. "It's not supposed to hurt you!" I sobbed, trying to shake him awake. "You're immortal, invincible! __**You're not supposed to die!"**_

"_Look what you did."_

_The faceless gunman shook his head in mock sadness. "You let him die for you, a puny weak human. Pathetic."_

_He disappeared, and in his place stood Edward. His eyes condemned me, their anger rooting me to the ground. _

"_How could you, Bella? You know our secret was sacred. Carlisle gave up everything because of you – a weak, lousy, human. Now it's all over. You don't deserve us, Bella. You never did."_

"_I didn't want this!" I screamed, desperate for him to understand. "I didn't ask him to do it…I never would have let him. I didn't know, Edward!"_

_Rosalie, Emmett, Alice, Jasper, and Esme were all there suddenly, each one glaring at me. "I always knew it would come to this," Rosalie spat at me darkly._

"_Let's go," Alice said, putting an arm around Esme. "She can rot here, for all I care."_

"_Edward," I whispered, my voice breaking. "Don't leave me. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."_

_He only threw a glare back at me, as if I wasn't worth wasting words on. Then they were all gone, and I was alone._

_Alone._

"_Edward!" I screamed, trying to run after him, but I couldn't get my legs to work. "I'm sorry!"_

_The faceless gunman was in my way. "Too late, Bella," he said, his voice mocking. "No more chances."_

_He fired._

* * *

"Bella! Wake up honey, it was just a dream. You're safe. Safe here."

Carlisle's voice reached me, pulling me up from the terrifying darkness. I grasped onto it, clinging desperately to the hope that it had only been a nightmare, none of it real.

But it could have been, and that scared me half to death.


	10. Chapter 10

**After much thought and deliberation, I have decided on the route for the rest of this story. Unconventional? Probably. But I don't think it's been done quite this way before. Anyway, it might bomb, but I'm gonna be brave and try it.**

**If you guys are like me, you thought it was a little strange that Bella suffered no long-lasting ill effects from the trauma she endured at the hands of James and Victoria. That seems a little odd…and that's the only hint you're getting. **

* * *

**Bella's POV:  
**

It took me a long time to go back to sleep. Carlisle pulled some strings to allow Edward into the room with me. He was curled gently into the bed beside me, soothing my fears as nothing but his presence could. They'd tucked extra blankets around me, to ward off the chill, but my hand remained firmly in his. Sometimes that cold was the only thing that kept me grounded. Especially now.

I drifted in the haze of not awake and not asleep, the fine line between awareness and unconsciousness.

Carlisle's shift had been over a long time ago, but he hadn't gone home. Instead he'd taken up residence in my room. From long experience I knew he was worried about my nightmares. I should feel guilty for keeping him from Esme, but instead I only felt relief.

They must have thought I was asleep, because Edward spoke, very softly. "I'm worried, Carlisle, is this normal?"

I knew Carlisle would be sitting slightly forward in his chair, chin resting on his hands. It was easy to envision the thoughtful look in his ocher eyes as he mulled over Edward's question.

"PTSD," he replied at last, "yes, it's normal. You've seen the effects in humans before."

He was gong to say more, but a soft rustling told me someone else had entered the quiet room. To my shock it was Rosalie's voice.

"Esme wants to know if you're coming home later."

Carlisle hesitated, then, "Yes, after midnight I'll have to go, to avoid suspicion."

Rosalie didn't leave immediately. "How is she?"

Edward's voice was a quiet snarl. "Since when do you care?"

I had been wondering the same thing.

"Edward," Carlisle rebuked softly, before replying to Rose's question. "As well as can be expected."

"I still can't understand why she did it."

Edward spoke again. "Because she loves us. With a deeper, more devoted love than any of us deserve. She did it for you, too, Rose."

She snorted. "Sure she did. Tell me something, Carlisle, if you'd had any inkling at all that she was going to do that, would you have shoved her aside and taken that bullet anyway?"

Carlisle didn't say anything. Rosalie's next words were directed at Edward, acerbic and full of spite. "Would he?"

Edward's answer was a few moments in coming, but it came.

"Yes," he said bleakly. "He would have."

And none of us needed Alice to know how that future would have played out.

I couldn't stay awake any longer, and allowed myself to sleep in the security of Edward's arms. In fact, the next morning the whole conversation was so murky in my mind I had trouble believing I hadn't dreamed it.

But it was there. Waiting. Like my fears.

Like the faceless gunman that still haunted my nightmares, and sometimes even my waking hours.

* * *

Alice was uncharacteristically subdued the next morning, when she came to sit with me. Renee had had to fly back to Florida the night before, and Charlie had to work, so it fell largely to the Cullens to stay with me. A cop had come by to take my statement when I was deemed well enough. Rehashing the whole horrible experience had not been nice. At all.

"Bella," Alice said, a little impatiently.

"I'm sorry. What?"  
"I was telling you, I have to step out for a second – Esme wants to talk to me about something. Will you be all right?"

NO! I wouldn't be all right!

"Hurry back," I forced past my lips. "But I'll be fine."  
She threw another searching glance into my face, but nodded and left quickly.

The door shut behind her, and I was alone.

My eyes darted towards the bathroom door – it was slightly ajar. Had they checked that since last night?

A flicker of movement caught my eye. I jumped violently, wincing as a shaft of pain darted through my abdomen.

It was the just the air vent. This time.

Slowly, I pulled the covers up to my chin, trying to shake off the goose bumps that crawled up my skin and prickled the back of my neck.

That shadow, just around the corner. Was it just me…or did it move slightly?

The door bumped open, and I choked back a building scream as I realized it was just Carlisle.

My heartbeat ratcheted up a notch before I could stop it.

He shut it softly behind him. "I'm sorry, Bella, I should have knocked," he said, turning back to watch me.

"It's fine," I aimed for a lighthearted tone, but my voice was a ragged gasp.

He frowned, looking at the readout on one of the machines. "Where's Alice?" he asked, sitting down next to the bed.

"Talking to Esme," I answered.

He tugged on my wrist, and I realized I was still clenching the sheet tightly in my fists. Embarrassed, I released my grip immediately.

His gaze was sympathetic and assessing. "Bella, I know it was hard to talk to Officer McCauley earlier. I'm sure the memories are difficult for you."

I couldn't stop the tears from dripping down my cheeks. "I hate being so frightened, Carlisle. It's irrational and stupid, but I see him everywhere. I can't help but feel vulnerable."

"It's normal," he said quietly. "I've seen countless people endure this after a trauma. Sometimes the aftermath is worse than the actual event. I'm sure you've heard of post-traumatic stress disorder?"

At my small nod, he continued, "I would normally send someone suffering from this to a counselor, but I don't think that's in your best interest. After all, you couldn't speak honestly with him. There's really no point."

I cringed at the thought of sharing my deepest fears with a stranger, glad that Carlisle was right – yes, I could speak honestly. If I wanted to spend my life in a padded cell. _Well, you see, I threw myself in front of a bullet to keep my vampire father's secret. It won't harm him, you know, he's made of stone…oh yeah, my best friend's not speaking to me. He's a werewolf, by the way._

Gently, Carlisle brushed away my tears with the pad of his thumbs. "Vampires can get PTSD too, you know. Jasper has the worst case I've ever seen. Years and a loving family have helped him get through most of it, but some of those old habits and feelings are still there. He understands what you're going through. You need to talk to him about it."

He paused, "Rosalie, too, would understand, but under the circumstances I don't think she's the best choice."

I thought about the conversation I'd overheard the night before. "No, I guess she isn't."

Carlisle glanced towards the door. "I know Edward and Alice are at school. He'll be here the minute it lets out, but as you know Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie supposedly already graduated. So if you want to talk to Jasper now, it would be the ideal time."

I hesitated. "He wouldn't…mind?"

Carlisle smiled gently. "On the contrary, Bella, he's anxious to do anything at all to help, in any way he can. We all are. We love you, Bella, you're part of our family now."

He smoothed back a strand of my hair. "Shall I call him?"

I bit my lip. "Please," I whispered.

To my relief, he didn't leave the room, just went to the door and called Jasper's name softly. Only when Jasper stepped inside the room did Carlisle give me one last reassuring smile and leave.

I tried to relax as Jasper soundlessly seated himself in the chair that Carlisle had just vacated.

* * *

**I'm going to start recommending stories at the end of every chapter. Recommendations for the day are:**

**Heart of Ice by Midnight Sun. Read it. You won't be disappointed...and don't forget to leave a review!**

**Without A Doubt by catharticone.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Bet you guys think I died in a corner somewhere, right? Well, good news: I'm actually alive, I've just been suffering from a horrendous case of writer's block. The doctors say it's the worst case since Edgar Allan Poe's half-finished manuscript – and he still hasn't finished that one, by the way. :P**

**Bad news: "Broken" is on temporary hold while I untangle the plot. I will finish it though, that's a promise. Feel free to come after me with pitchforks, but please remember that if you kill me with said pitchforks, the wait for an update will be significantly longer. **

**Big apology to Midwinter Sun! I misspelled her user name last chapter. Don't forget to check out her story, Heart of Ice.**

**My other recommendation is You May Now Kiss The Bride by vjgm. It's hilarious, you won't regret reading it. **

**Jasper's POV:**

"Are you sure?" I asked Carlisle, pausing at the door. My voice was too fast for Bella to hear, though I doubt she was paying attention anyway. I could feel the fear and doubt pouring off of her in suffocating waves, though neither one was because of my presence.

"You are better equipped to help her through this than anyone," Carlisle murmured back, his words only a subtle sigh to human ears. The calm assurance he felt backed up his statement. "She needs to know she can get through this. That it won't last forever."

I nodded and glided into the room. Our whole conversation had only occupied the span of a few seconds, but it seemed much longer to me as I mulled over Carlisle's words.

Bella truly did look horrible. Alice had obviously done her hair, but she had done nothing for the deep circles under Bella's exhausted eyes. And no amount of makeup would wash away the fear drenching her face.

And her emotions…I tightened my mental control and sent out a wave of calm and reassurance.

Her face relaxed the tiniest bit. "Thanks Jasper," she sighed.

Something about her seemed…I couldn't put my finger on it for a moment, but she looked at me then, and it hit me. That haunted expression in her eyes…it was like looking at myself in the mirror.

My doubts that I could really help her faded away. Rosalie and I were probably the only ones Bella knew who could understand that level of fear.

She shifted her gaze, and I realized I'd been staring at her.

"Sorry," I murmured.

I was reluctant to tell her my story, for several reasons. And there were parts of it that I would never speak of again. But I could see it was necessary...I would have to keep a tight grip on my emotions; I tended to project whatever I was feeling if I wasn't careful.

"Carlisle ever tell you how I was changed?" I asked, deciding to just plunge right in.

She shook her head, and I braced myself for what promised to be a very unpleasant trip into the past.

"You know I joined the Confederate Army. Well, the night I met Maria, we were evacuating towns of women and children. I was already an officer, and still hadn't seen any fighting – youngest major in the Calvary," I said, with a flash of pride.

"Anyway, it was almost dusk that last night, and I was just doing a routine check. I was about ready to turn around and rejoin my soldiers when I saw them…"

_She was beautiful – it was her beauty that caught my eye from the start. Even in the fading light I could see her lustrous curls, the perfect lips smiling up at me. Her eyes were hidden under the shadow of her dainty hat. There were two others with her, each looking tiny and out-of-place in the forsaken outskirts of the town._

"_Hello," I said, puzzled, but jumping at the chance to play gentleman. "I'm Major Jasper Whitlock. Can I be of service?"_

_I dismounted and bowed to them, waiting anxiously for their reply._

_The one on the right, a short brunette, leaned over to speak to the pretty one. "I like him, Maria, but you'd better do it. I can never stop once I've started."_

_I was puzzled, but I didn't have time to sort out her words. The middle lady stepped forward and took my face in her hands. "I hope you survive," she murmured, her voice a seductive caress. "I really do like you."_

_She pressed her lips to my neck._

_The burning was unlike anything I'd ever experienced; it raced through my veins, turning my insides to ash. Liquid fire licked at my fingers and toes._

_For three days I burned in hell. _

"Jasper? Jasper?"

It was Bella's voice that brought me back to reality. I blinked, forcibly stopping the tremors that tore through my body.

"I'm okay," I assured her, remembering that _I _was supposed to be the one helping _her. _Fine job I was doing with that.

"We don't have to talk about this," she began, but I laid my hand on hers, surprising both of us. "Yes," I said, "we do."

Promising myself I wouldn't break down in front of her, I took a deep breath that I didn't need and slowly immersed myself back into the past.


	12. Chapter 12

**My recommendations for today are: Immortal Tears by EsmeAnne5981. It's a beautiful, heartrending story you HAVE to read. Don't forget to review!**

**The Letter by chill-the-beans. It's sad but worth it. I promise. **

* * *

**Bella's POV:**

Jasper was shaking. His whole body was wrapped in tremors, and if he squeezed the arm of that chair any harder it would crumble into dust. For a second I forgot my own crippling fear.

"Jasper?" I asked, afraid to touch him. I didn't know how he'd react. "Jasper, are you all right?"

I could see the effort it took for him to unclench his hands as he forcibly stopped the shudders.

"Yeah," he said, voice rough – a major feat for a vampire. "I'm okay. It's okay."

I felt horrible – he was dredging up his own living hell for my sake. What I had suffered was not even comparable with what he had lived through.

"Hey," I said, "we don't have to talk about this."

His golden eyes met mine, and I was shocked but pleased when he reached hesitantly for my hand. "Yes," he said, his voice gaining strength, "we do."  
I sensed he was drawing strength from the contact and kept my hand still, as he inhaled cautiously before finishing his story.

With his right hand he pushed up his left sleeve, all the while keeping his left hand firmly on mine. I looked closer at his bared forearm – and gasped at what I saw. Ridges upon ridges of crescent shaped scars marred the skin, overlapping and paralleling each other, there were so many.

With a shock, I realized they were exactly like the one I'd suffered from James last year.

"Battle scars," he explained, with a half-smile.

"After Maria changed me, I became her second in command. She was creating an army of newborns, intended to help her gain and keep territory for herself."

He paused. "My gift was helpful; the newborns were unstable, always fighting amongst themselves. Often manipulating their emotions was the only way to keep them under some semblance of control."

Absently, he rolled his sleeve back down, covering his scars back up. "I deluded myself into thinking I loved Maria. Into thinking she loved me. But she used me. In every foul, scheming way possible, she used me."

A burst of pain invaded my heart, making me gasp with its suffocating weight. Jasper pressed his lips together, and it stopped. "Sorry."

With a flash of understanding, I realized it was _his _pain I was feeling – he must have been projecting.

"I was responsible for training the newborns she created – an endless task since she never let them live beyond their first year."

I remembered that Edward had told me newborns were the strongest their first year, because their body was still absorbing their own blood.

"It was my job to dispose of them," he went on, nearly whispering now. "I had to look into their eyes as I ended their lives. I felt everything they felt – the terror, the confusion, the _pleading_…"

A harsh dry sob tore from his chest; it occurred to me that I was probably the only one besides Alice who had seen Jasper this way. It felt wrong – like an invasion of his privacy.

"Finding Alice was the best thing that ever happened to me," he murmured, when he could talk again. "She saved me. But my demons will always haunt me. I will _never_ be able to forget."

He met my gaze, his golden eyes steady. "I don't want that for you, Bella. Because even after what happened…last year…" he hesitated, mentioning my eighteenth birthday. "I only felt forgiveness and love from you. I expected you to hate me. I _wanted _you to hate me, I thought I deserved it."

"I could never hate you, Jasper."

"I know that," he replied. "And I know I'm lucky to have you as my sister."

I felt my first real smile in days creep onto my face. "I always wanted a big brother – Emmett fills that part nicely, if a little exuberantly at times," I winced as I thought of one of his crushing hugs. "But you…you're the brother I can count on to listen and just be there. Thank you."

"It's not over yet, Bella. Not by a long shot. But maybe we can help each other."

I smiled. "I'd like that."

He tilted his head. "Alice and Edward are coming down the hall – they ditched their last class."

I rolled my eyes. "Edward worries too much."

He rose fluidly from his chair. As if weighing his words, he hesitated, then said, "When it comes to you, little sister, we all do."

He didn't have time to say anything else as Alice exploded into the room, immediately dancing up to him and planting a kiss on his lips. She murmured something too high and fast for me to hear; he replied in kind.

She turned to me. "Are you feeling better now, Bella?"  
"Yes," I said, and for the first time in days it wasn't a lie.

"I'll give you some privacy," she winked, and dragged Jasper out of the room.

I tried not to think about what they would be getting up to later, from the look on Alice's face.

Before the suffocating feeling of being alone could descend, Edward was inside, leaning down to press a kiss on my lips. "Hello, love."

"Shame on you, ditching school," I teased him, as his lips moved down my chin and towards my throat.

"Mmmm."

"Is that all you have to say for yourself?"

He gently eased himself down beside me. "You're not sorry, are you?"

"No," I said, kissing him.

"Jasper helped," he stated, searching my face.

I thought of the horrific things he'd endured and shuddered. "Yes," I whispered, "but it makes me feel so dumb, acting this way after…"

He pressed an icy finger to my lips.

I allowed myself to drift off to the sound of my lullaby, secure in his icy embrace.

As I faded into my dreams, I came to an important realization – Jasper and I could help each other. Though our past lives had been vastly different, not even comparable really, that brief flash of his pain was familiar. It was the same aching, tearing hole Edward's departure had left in me. A pain that had never really gone away, it just lay dormant until it had cause to flare up again.

After we'd been reunited, I'd thought I was whole again.

It had taken this whole incident for me to realize I wasn't.


	13. Chapter 13

**I'm so sorry for the delay, guys! I have no excuse to offer except, life gets in the way. I realize I have probably lost some readers due to the long silence, but I would appreciate a review or two. Or possibly more.**

**I'm going to try and update sooner in the future. That said, on to the story, and i hope it was worth the wait. Next chapter, things are really going to start heating up and coming to a head. **

**Charlie's POV:**

I stumbled to the coffeepot on autopilot, hardly able to register the floor under my feet. I'd gotten all of four hours of sleep last night.

I'd lay in bed listening to Bella scream herself awake, then stumble down the hall and throw up in the toilet.

The first time I jumped up and had my gun out before I was fully awake. Racing down the hall to Bella's room, I flung open the door. Only to find her huddled in a ball on the floor beside the bed, shaking with terror. I tried to comfort her. I really, really tried.

It hadn't worked. Helpless, I could only go back to bed. She wanted to be alone – it was written in every line of her body.

She'd been home for a week. This wasn't working. I didn't know what to do. It was almost like when…_he'd _abandoned her.

The blaring of the phone shattered the silence. I jumped, the sound cutting through the fog surrounding my head.

"'lo?"

"Chief Swan, it's Dr. Cullen. I hope I didn't wake you?"

I glanced at the clock, irritated with the man for calling so dang early. _8:00…oh. Good thing it's Sunday._

"Uh, no. Not at all." I tried to sound alert and failed.

"I was calling to discuss Bella, actually."

I frowned, carrying the phone and my coffee to the kitchen table. "You were?"

"Edward has expressed some concern as to how she's been handling everything. Alice has noticed as well."  
I rubbed my forehead. "She isn't handling it, Dr. Cullen. I thought it would fade, but it's only gotten worse."

He made a soft sound of sympathy. "She's lost weight, I've noticed."

"She can't eat. When she does, it doesn't stay down. She doesn't sleep, she sees shadows jumping out of every corner…"

He sighed. "Charlie – may I call you that?"

I murmured assent. "Charlie, I know what you must be going through. But honestly, from one father to another, she's not going to just recover from this. I've seen this type of trauma before."

"What do you suggest?" I finally forced out past the lump in my throat.

"I want your permission to take Bella home to live with us for awhile. Some of my adopted children came from traumatic situations before they came to us, and I believe they can help Bella."

My gut reaction was _No. Absolutely not. I don't want her anywhere near that boy._

The pause stretched on too long. "Charlie, I assure you the kids will be well-supervised. Esme and I are capable of handling things. I'm sure you know what I mean."

I blushed even though he couldn't see me. "I trust you," I said quickly. "I just…I want to help her. I don't want her to go."

I sounded like a small child. I really needed some sleep.

"I understand," he said again, his voice full of empathy. "I honestly do, Charlie. But she can't go through this much longer."  
Screams filled my mind. Bella's screams. Bella's nightmares.

"She'll be ready to go by lunchtime."

"We'll take good care of her, Charlie. You have my word."

I stared at the phone in my hand, after hanging up. Would I be able to live in this empty house alone again? Not come home to a hot supper and a smile? Just knowing someone else lived here was enough to get me through every day a little easier.

I could do it if it would help Bella. I couldn't handle it if she sank back into depression again.

That would destroy both of us.

"Bella?" I hated to wake her, but it was already ten. She needed to get packed. The lump under the covers barely stirred.

The phone rang downstairs – hesitating, I turned and hurried down the stairs, diving for it just before it stopped. "Hello?"

"Charlie?"

"Yeah, Mark, I'm here."

"You okay, man? You sound out of breath."

"Sure. What do you need?"

A few minutes later I hung up and dialed another number. "Hello, Dr. Cullen? It's Charlie."

His answering greeting was kind but confused and a little worried. "Is there something wrong?"  
I rubbed the back of my neck. "Sort of. I got a call from up in Seattle – gang activity resulted in multiple homicides. They're calling in backup officers, and one of my deputies and I have to go up there. I was wondering…I know it's a lot to ask, but could Esme come and help Bella get ready?"  
That my daughter needed help preparing to stay at the Cullen house spoke volumes. She'd spent long weekends all the time with her best friend Alice.

"Of course," Carlisle's reply was instant and warm – not that I'd expected anything less. "Esme and I will be right over."

"I'm about to throw some things in a suitcase and be gone," I said, "I can't be back for at least a week."

"We'll take good care of her, Charlie."

I sighed. "I know, Dr. Cullen. Thank you."

I just wished it was me she wanted to look up to.

**Carlisle's POV:**

Esme and I were there right after Charlie's cruiser disappeared down the road. We exchanged glances, neither of us needing words to express what was on our minds.

Esme knocked loudly. A few moments went by and no one answered. When a second knock failed to get a response, she pushed the door open and we went on inside.

"Bella?" I called. "Bella, it's us – Esme and Carlisle. Where are you, sweetheart?"

No answer. I could hear her heartbeat upstairs – it was slow and steady.

"Asleep," I murmured to Esme. She nodded – she'd heard it too.

I started to climb the stairs, but she put a hand on my arm. "Let me, dear. You stay down here."

I pressed a quick kiss on her lips. "Call if you need me."

She disappeared around the curve of the stairs. Wandering into the living room, I found myself facing a row of pictures above the mantel.

My lips quirked up as I studied Bella at two, glaring at the camera with arms folded and a pout on her rosy lips. There she was again, about four this time, holding a teddy bear that was bigger than she was and smiling brilliantly. Eight, looking as if she'd rather be anywhere but looking into camera lens.

Eleven, dressed in an impeccable school uniform. I frowned a little, leaning in closer. I could see it, even at such a young age, even through a picture. Her eyes were tinged with maturity, testifying to a soul older than her years.

_How old was Bella before she was forced to become the adult?_ I wondered. Bella had told us little about what life in Phoenix was really like, and Edward had only filled in a few of the blanks. But meeting her mother in the hospital in Phoenix, after James' attack on Bella…I could well imagine Bella being forced to step in and give an adult's care to her mother.

Fourteen-year-old Bella looked solemnly into the camera. She didn't look unhappy, just serious. And far older than a teenage girl ever should.

"_She's an old soul."_ Renee's words flashed back at me, and I agreed. But what had made her that way?

Thoughtfully, I turned away from the pictures and sat down on the old couch, resting my elbows on my knees. Some anxiety was to be expected, with the trauma Bella had gone through at the bank. But the days had stretched on, and her paranoia was only increasing…something deeper was going on here.

The gunman had only been a catalyst. Whatever was happening to my adopted daughter – for I fully thought of her as such – had a _much _deeper root.

Sounds on the stairs drew me to my feet. But my smile of greeting died on my lips as Bella came into view.

Esme had brushed her hair, pulling it back into a ponytail, but it looked limp and tired. Bella's eyes were half-closed, exhaustion pulling at her lids. And I could see very clearly how much weight she had lost in just a few days – weight that had taken us several weeks to get back on her thin frame.

Esme supported her gently, keeping an arm around her shoulders so she didn't stumble. In her other hand she carried an overnight bag. As her eyes met mine, I saw my pain and questions reflected back at me.

Questions for which I had no answer – at least not yet.


End file.
